A Place Where Everybody Knows Your Name

When I was growing up, our family didn’t watch a ton of television but some “Must See TV” for us was the NBC lineup on Thursday nights: The Cosby Show. Family Ties. Cheers. Night Court. 

For those of you who are around my age or older (I turned 40 last August), you know that Cheers was the place “where everybody knows your name.” And while you may question just how deep the friendships between Sam and Cliff and Norm truly got, the success of that show hinged on the truth from their theme song.

God created human beings for relationship. For community. Yes, even introverts like myself! 🙂 As our society becomes more and more isolating (thanks to inventions like air conditioning, we don’t need to be outdoors in the summer…), we crave true community even more.

And that’s where the church should shine.

Here’s a picture of the early church: “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.” (Acts 2:46)

In today’s day and age, meeting daily with people from your church is an impossibility. But true community is still a possibility. But here’s the key: we have to go after it. We have to be intentional. We won’t drift into it.

Here are a few suggestions how to do just that. And may you not just read this list, may you DO this list:

Attend Church Every Sunday – make church a non-negotiable in your calendar… year round. True community can only happen when you see the same folks again… and again… and again… and again. Consistency is the key. If you go to your church a couple Sundays per month, don’t be surprised if you don’t feel connected. But don’t blame the church.

Fail Forward – About 15 years back, a guy I saw every Sunday (because we all tend to sit in the same seats week after week) asked me to join our church’s softball team. I never played softball in my life, but agreed to join anyway. I assumed it was going to be a bunch of guys just having fun. I was dead wrong. 🙂 My teammates were ultra-competitive Alpha males who took softball very seriously. So my first game became my last. I never showed up for game #2. It was an epic fail. But at least I gave it a shot. Be willing to do the same. But if (when) a potential friendship crashes and burns just as it is getting started, don’t give up. Try again. Fail forward. Finding true community is worth it.

Get Connected – A goal for The Eastside Vineyard Church is to have 100% of folks who attend our church to be connected in significant community and feel like they belong. That goal isn’t unique to our church by the way. And there are many ways to do that. If your church offers “small groups” — join one! (our church’s “spring season” of groups starts up April 6th). Or maybe a formal small group isn’t your thing, and if it isn’t, go another route. Like asking a couple folks from the church to get together for coffee to dig deeper into last Sunday’s sermon. However you choose to do it… do it!!

Give Grace – When you e-mail someone about getting together for coffee and they don’t e-mail you back — either at all or not fast enough for your liking — don’t get offended (I could write another blog on the “spirit of offense.” I think that is a primary tactic Satan uses to isolate us from community). Don’t judge them. Instead, choose to believe the best about them instead of assuming the worst. After all, maybe their inbox is fuller than yours. Give them grace and reach out again.

Take the Initiative – We all want to be pursued. After all, it feels good. But if you want true community, be the one to take the initiative. Don’t wait around for someone to invite you into their circle. Put yourself out there. Take a risk. Ask folks to go out to lunch after church. Invite them over your house for a BBQ. Lead a small group.

Be Realistic – When we are younger, community just kind of happens. After all, we spend 5 days a week in school together with the same group of kids. Then we live in a dorm together in college and deep friendships happen naturally as a result. But as we get older our lives get segmented, more complicated, and way more busy. So developing friendships takes a lot longer. So give them time! Don’t expect to find a “BFF” in your small group after 4 gatherings or even after 4 months.

Volunteer – An often overlooked but great way to get connected at church is by volunteering on Sundays. It’s amazing to see how friendships naturally develop between our volunteers as they are stuffing programs or filling communion trays or pouring into our Vineyard Kids. The same thing is possible at your church!

Your church won’t probably ever be like Cheers, a place where EVERYBODY knows your name. But it can be a place where several people do… and those friendships can go way deeper than people simply shouting, “Norm!” as you walk in on Sundays.

***What is the Role of Faith in Healing? When it comes to praying for healing, this is one of the most controversial questions. If a person isn’t healed, is it because they lacked faith? Is it their fault? Or is there another reason? Please join us at The Eastside Vineyard Church as I press into these tough questions. March 23. 10:30am. More info at tevchurch.org***